


Lost in Space

by bobbinindaeyo



Series: Lost In Space [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Soul-Searching, got inspired by falling inn love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbinindaeyo/pseuds/bobbinindaeyo
Summary: Being an architect for three years, Hanbin wanted to settle elsewhere.Somewhere he will truly belong.
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Series: Lost In Space [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596544
Comments: 28
Kudos: 67





	1. Lost In Space

“Are you sure about this?” Yunhyeong asked as he watch me pack my bags.

“Yeah. I mean..” I tried to laugh to ease the atmosphere, “I wouldn’t go this far – literally far, if I’m not serious, right?”

“I know.. but” he sighed, before he continued, “You have a good career here, stable life.. why would you want to risk this? Go to a foreign land, and start a new life there?”

“Simply because this life is not making me happy anymore. I’m no longer happy. I feel lost. I feel like a stranger, in this place where I grew up. I want to find myself.”


	2. Leave

**1**

**Leave**

“Last call for the passengers of Flight J218 boarding to New Zealand, the gates will close in 5 minutes”

The announcer said. I had to take a deep breath, and took one last glance, before boarding the airplane.

After flying for almost 13 hours, I finally reached my new home for the next six months – Wellington, New Zealand.

I’ve been dreaming of flipping houses as a form of hobby, maybe that’s why I took Architecture in college, but after graduating, I never really got the chance to flip a house of my own. That’s why when I saw this property for sale here in Wellington, I took the chance.

May be I wanted to be in a different surrounding, or I wanted to feel that sense of belongingness.

Something that Korea wasn’t able to give me.

Like what Yunhyeong said, I should be contented and happy with what I have, but I just can’t.

Having everything in life doesn’t mean that I have to be happy. Sometimes, it’s how the people around you make you feel.

Do they make you feel happy? Were they able to make you feel contented?

And if not, that’s where the problem rises.

“Good morning! Are you Kim Hanbin?” The agent greeted me.

“Yes. You must be the agent for this property?” I sighed, and looked at my surroundings.

This is far from what I am used to. Not the city life that I used to have, nor the extravagant life.

It’s somewhat country-ish, and it gives me some peace of mind.

“Here’s the deed, and the key to the house. I also included a city map, just in case you need some help along the way.” The agent smiled, and left.

I toured myself around, and saw broken chairs, scattered glasses, and saw some unwanted shrubs, too.

_This is going to be a long, tough work._

I decided to take a look around the city, to familiarize myself first.

With the blueprint I had, which I borrowed from the public library, I entered a café.

“Hello! Good morning. New in town?” A guy in an apron greeted me.

“Yeah. I’ve been here for like two hours,” I laughed, and went to order some food.

“One flat white please, and a blueberry cheesecake.” I smiled at the guy, and he introduced himself.

“I’m Jinhwan, and the barista’s Junhoe. If ever you need any favors, we’re glad to help.” He smiled warmly as he guided me to my seat.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I smiled, “I’m Hanbin, by the way. I bought this property just around the corner.”

“Hmm, interesting. No one wants to buy that house since it’s going to be a lot of work, but you..”

“Well, I’ve wanted to flip a house ever since, and Wellington gave me this opportunity.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Where are you from originally?”

“South Korea.”

“Oh,” they both smiled, and served the food.

“So, how long are you planning to stay here?” Junhoe asked.

“Three to six months, max.”

“That's a lot of work for a short period of time. But since you're already here, and you are planning to renovate the house, we know someone who can exactly help you.” Jinhwan said, to which Junhoe nodded.

“He’s the greatest contractor in town, his name’s Jiwon. You can meet him once you visited Donghyuk’s shop. He’s a regular there.”

After eating, I said my thanks to the both of them, and followed their advice, which is to visit Donghyuk’s shop to check anything that I may need from him.

And I almost hit a jackpot, because not only that this is a hardware, but it is an antique shop as well.

“Hi. Junhoe sent me a message, letting me know that you’ll drop by. I’m Donghyuk, by the way.” He smiled warmly, and extended his hand.

“Hanbin.” I shook his hand, and looked around.

“Just let me know if you need anything.” I nodded.

After some time, I went to the cashier to talk to Donghyuk.

“Saw something interesting?”

“I haven’t saw the condition of the house, but definitely, I’ll drop by once I need something.”

I stopped, hesitating a bit, but decided to continue, “By the way, Jinhwan told me that you know someone who can help me in renovating the house?”

“Oh, yes,” He smiled, and looked at the entrance of the shop, which means someone just entered, “Just in time.”

“Jiwon.”

Donghyuk called him, and went I looked at the guy..

I saw the coldest pair of eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to pick myself up, and try to be more active, and update not only this story, but also my other ongoing stories.
> 
> No specific update pattern.
> 
> Will update every time I get the chance.
> 
> Thank you, and happy holidays! xoxo


	3. Help

**2**

**Help**

“Broken fire place, broken windows, broken sink, broken floors, and ruined beds?” Jiwon told me, “not to mention that there are broken things outside, too, and we even haven’t checked the entire house.”

“This sure is going to be a lot of work,” I tried to laugh, but he just ignored, and went along.

He sure is snobbish, huh?

He went near us after Donghyuk called him.

“Hey,” he just nodded at Donghyuk, and looked at me.

“This guy’s new in town” he said, and I turned to face Jiwon.

“Hi!” I smiled at him, and offered my hand, “I’m Hanbin. I bought that house, just around the corner”

“Oh,” he said, as he realized something, “you’re into renovations, huh?”

“Well..” I said, “I’ve wanted to do this for years, but never really got the chance to, you know?”

“Oh..” That’s all he said, and suddenly, both of us got silent.

Awkward.

“Anyway,” Donghyuk said, trying to break that awkward atmosphere, “this friend here needs your help.”

“But you know that I’m only here for a vacation.” Jiwon looked at him.

“So, is that a no?”

I did not get any response from him.

I sighed.

“Thank you for trying, Donghyuk.” I smiled at him, and looked at Jiwon.

“It was nice meeting you. Or not.” Then I left the shop.

He should’ve told me that he doesn’t want to help me, instead of wasting my time.

I rolled my eyes.

“Hey,” I heard a voice behind me, “Wait up!”

I turned around, and saw Jiwon running after me.

“That’s not what I really meant,” he said, while panting.

He should be thankful that he’s hot.

 _What the hell, Kim Hanbin. You’re here for work, and not for any business._ I had to mentally slap myself.

“Just say you don’t want to help me, and go. Stop wasting my time.”

“Like I said, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what?”

“Can we talk in a private place? Talking about this outside is making me feel uncomfortable.” I nodded, and followed him, until we reach Jinhwan and Junhoe’s coffee shop.

“Oh, you’re back!” Jinhwan’s eyes lit up, and smiled at Jiwon. “So, you’ve met him, huh?”

“Yeah,” I looked around, and saw a vacant table inside.

“Can we go inside?” He nodded, and assisted us.

“Anything you want? Coffee?” He looked at Jiwon, who’s just staring at him.

“Two coffees, please.” Jiwon said, and looked at him like he was telling him to leave us alone.

“For how long are you planning to renovate the house?” He asked, when Jinhwan left.

“Three to four months, at most.” He nodded, “I’m planning to sell it afterwards.”

“We can split the profit in half,” he did not say anything so I continued, “but I want to transform that house into something that I’ve wanted ever since I was a kid.. you know?”

He smiled, and looked at me.

“So, you’re considering in keeping the house, am I right?”

“Yes. If that’s the case, how much will I have to pay you?”

“Like I said, I’m really not here for work. You don’t have to pay me.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m serious.” He laughed, and looked at Jinhwan, who’s currently approaching our table.

“So, Jiwon, what are your plans? Are you going to check the house?”

“Well, of course, we need to check the condition of the house, before buying some stuff from Donghyuk.”

“Oh, okay.” Jinhwan nodded, and looked at me.

“Where are you going to stay for the time being?”

“I’m planning to stay there, while renovating the home. But..”

“But what?” Jinhwan asked.

“I’m afraid of snakes. The grass is everywhere, and I’m afraid that I’ll see a snake.”

“Well, we only have Taipan.” Jinhwan looked at Jiwon, who’s looking amused.

“I’m not saying that it’s deadly, but it can kill you in a span of 30 to 45 minutes. No big deal.”

He really looked at me like it’s no big deal! Is he crazy?

“I think—“

Jiwon and Jinhwan burst into laugh.

“You should’ve seen your face!” Jiwon is now red, because of laughing.

“ _Honey_ , just a fact about New Zealand.. we don’t have snakes here.” Jiwon said, and continued to laugh like a mad man.

“Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes at him, and Jinhwan, placed the bills on the table, and left them.

“Hanbin!”I can still hear some laughter from Jiwon’s voice.

He’s really enjoying this!

I continued to walk, ignoring his presence.

I kept on walking, until I reached a flower shop.

“Good morning!” The guy with deer eyes welcomed me.

“New in town?” I nodded, and looked at the flowers around.

“Every three days, we get new fresh flowers, and fertilizers. Let me know if you want to buy, or you’re interested in something.”

“Oh, hey, Jiwon.” The guy greeted Jiwon, and Jiwon went near me.

“You guys know each other?”

“Well, yeah. We’ll check the condition of the house, that old house?” Jiwon said, trying to explain to the guy, “and we’ll check what we’ll need from your store.”

“Alright,” the guys looked and me, and smiled, “I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Chanwoo. And you are?”

“Hanbin.” I smiled at him, and looked around, until Jiwon and I have decided to go to the house.

“You know what is the beauty in fixing things?” Jiwon asked, as he looked at the hills in front of us.

We’ve been cleaning for hours, and we decided to call it a day.

“What?”

“The beauty that lies within.” He said as he looked at me.

“No one will ever dare to fix a thing that looks messy on the outside, because for them, it’s a tough work. And people don’t want that. They want things that come easy. Always.” He smiled sadly and stared at the view.

Jiwon, do you need fixing, too?

I stared at him, and took a deep sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin's so back :'(((((


	4. Start

**3**

**Start**

“So, where do we actually start?”

Jiwon said as he looked around.

This house’s literally a mess. Whatever happened before I came here is beyond me.

“Shall we start with the kitchen so you can have potable water?”

I told him yesterday that my sink’s broken, and he just laughed at me.

He was like _you’re an architect for three years, and you can’t even fix the sink_ and that’s the point. I’m an architect.

“Yeah, sure.” Then he took the broken faucet from the sink, and we both went to Donghyuk’s shop.

“Good morning!” Donghyuk greeted the both of us, “what do you guys need?”

“This architect right here can’t fix his faucet, so we’re here to buy a new one.” Jiwon teased me, and I just rolled my eyes at him.

“Though it’s a shame that we have to throw this because from the looks of it, this has been there since the house was built.” He said, as he looked closely.

“Who told you though that we’re going to throw it away?”

“Oh, okay” He nodded, and looked at the faucet he’s holding, and handed it to Donghyuk. “I need a gasket for this one, and a new faucet, please.” He smiled, and looked at me.

“Feel free to look around.” I nodded, and toured myself again.

I found myself entering the antique part of his shop, and found some interesting stuff, like rustic woods, and rustic stuff.

We’ve been planning to transform the house into a rustic one, so we don’t have to change a lot from the house.

It’s like we want to improve the house, but preserve it at the same time.

We stayed there for a couple of minutes, until we both decided to leave.

“By the way, Jiwon, we have to change the fireplace, and the chimney, because it’s no longer working.” I told him as we made our way inside.

“I’ll have to check first.” He said, as he went near the firebox.

“I think we can still fix this.” He took a good look, and tried to blow on it.

The ashes that have been on the firebox went to his face, which caused him to cough.

“I told you, it’s broken,” I shook my head, “it doesn’t mean that it’s broken, means that you can still fix it. Sometimes, you have to accept the fact that what’s broken stays broken.”

He just stared at me, and took a deep sigh before he went to the kitchen to fix the sink.

Ever since I met Jiwon, I’ve noticed that he has this uncontrollable obsession over fixing things.

But just like what I’ve said, there are some things that you cannot fix, no matter how much we wanted to.

“It’s all done.” He said, and turned the faucet on to show me that he it’s really working.

“Thanks.” He just nodded, and went upstairs to check the condition of the rooms.

For days, I had a hard time sleeping because of the bed, and the floors.

“You did not tell me that the condition here’s worse.” He said, as he inspects the floor, wherein a part of it is full of termites.

“I’ll try to ask Chanwoo if he knows any pest controller.” I said, and he just went on checking the room.

“Alright. You may visit Chanwoo’s shop tomorrow, and we’ll start fixing the lawn first.” He also checked the roof, the ceiling, and made some notes.

He brought lawn mowers for us, and we started removing the wild grass in the backyard.

“We also need some sprinklers, and I’ll also order some fresh flowers for the backyard.” Jiwon just nodded.

We were still in the middle of cleaning the backyard when we heard a voice.

“You didn’t tell me that you’re here” a girl in her twenties approached Jiwon, and hugged him.

“Sorry, I just got caught up with the renovation that’s why I wasn’t able to inform you.” He said, as he looked at the girl.

“By the way, he’s Hanbin, the owner of the house” He introduced me, and he looked at me, “Hanbin, she’s Margot, she’s the sister of the owner of that hostel beside this house.” She shook my hand, and smiled at me.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She said, and I just smiled at her.

“What brings you here, anyway?” Jiwon asked Margot.

“I just want to ask when are you planning to visit her.” Margot responded, and looked around the backyard.

“I.. don’t know yet.” He responded, hesitation is obvious in his voice.

“Jiwon..” Margot called him, “you made a promise to visit her whenever you have time.”

“I know..” He said, and smiled sadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will have probably 15-20 chapters, at most. 
> 
> xx


	5. Dad

**4**

**Dad**

Jiwon’s missing in action.

I haven’t seen him, nor his shadow today after acting so weird yesterday.

I decided to not wait for him, and do things on my own for today.

Just like what we have talked about yesterday, I decided to visit Chanwoo’s shop today, to ask if he knows any pest controller, and to check the best flowers in town.

“Hey.” I greeted Chanwoo as I enter his shop.

“Hey,” he smiled, “Where’s Jiwon?”

“Uh, he’s kind of MIA today” I said, as I shrugged my shoulders.

I looked around, and immediately fell in love with the peonies, and some roses.

This, for sure, will bring life to the house.

“Anything you like?” I didn’t notice that Chanwoo was following me around.

“I really like these peonies, and these roses” I said, as I point on the baby pink roses.

“I also would like to add some lawn grass, and some fertilizers, too.” He nods, as if he’s taking notes mentally.

“And by the way, do you know a pest controller? The termites in the house’s getting out of hand.”

“I’ll have the flowers, the grass and the fertilizers delivered to your home first thing tomorrow, and yes, I do know a pest controller.”

“Great. But how long will it probably take for him to visit the house?”

“I can call him now, but where are you going to stay? If he’ll go there later, you cannot enter the house for 24 hours.”

“I’ll probably check with Jiwon, well that is if I’ll bump into him this afternoon.”

I chatted with Chanwoo for a little while, to make myself familiar with the flowers around here, too, before I left and went to the coffee shop.

“You’re back! It’s been a while” Junhoe greeted me, as I entered the shop.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been busy with the house, and all.”

“Same order?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Jinhwan guided me to sit on the nearest table, and sat in front of me.

“Jiwon’s not around?” He asked.

“Nope,” I smiled, and checked the menu, “Do you know where Jiwon is staying?”

“Yes, we live a few blocks from him, why?”

“I want to ask if I can stay there for the night.” Jinhwan nodded, and looked suspiciously at me.

“It’s not what you think.” I laughed, “A pest controller is dropping by today at the house, and Chanwoo said, it is impossible for someone to enter the house for 24 hours.”

“You don’t have to be defensive, you know?” He laughed, and looked at Junhoe who sat beside him.

“I’m not!” And they just both laughed at me.

“Of all the places you can think of, why do you want to stay at Jiwon’s place?”

“Because I’m working with him?” And they just gave me this _yeah, right_ look.

“You can stay here until our shift’s done, or.. you can go around the town, and be back by 8 o’clock in the evening.”

“Alright,” I said as I get up, “sounds good. See you both later.”

I left the shop, and decided to roam around the city.

I’ve been in the city for almost a week now, and I haven’t really seen the beauty of it.

I walked around, and had to take a rest when I felt my phone vibrated.

At first, I thought it was Jiwon, but when I saw Yunhyeong’s name on the screen, I answered it.

“I miss you.” My heart melted.

Yunhyeong and I lived together for ten years, and even though he got married last year, we still make time for each other.

“I miss you, too.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Soon.” I laughed.

“Hanbin, how soon is soon?”

“I don’t know yet, 6 months, maybe?”

“Six months?!”

“Hyung, if you saw the condition of the house, you’ll be surprised.”

“Point taken. But just so you know, we all miss you.”

“I know. Talk to you soon.” I said, and ended the call.

I went back to the café, and saw Junhoe and Jinhwan cleaning up the shop.

A little later, they closed the shop, and went home.

We were chatting about life while we’re walking, and that’s when I know that they’re a couple, and they’re married for three years now.

How sweet is that.

“So, Hanbin, anyone special left back in the United States?”

“Nah. I have no time for such.” And I laughed.

“Then maybe you’ll find it here.” Junhoe teased me.

“Maybe I won’t.” They really just can’t let go of the topic.

“We’ll see about that, Hanbin.” And they both laughed.

They kept on teasing me until we reached their home.

“Jiwon’s house is just two blocks away from here.”

I nodded, and walked to see Jiwon’s house, when I saw a little girl, crying.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I said, as I approached the kid.

“I was playing hide and seek with my dad, but I can’t find him.” I held her hand, and smiled.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you find your dad.” She held my hand, and we were about to leave when we both heard a familiar voice.

“Selene, what took you so long?” It seems like he was in the middle of laughing, but he froze when he saw me.

“Jiwon.” I smiled at him, and the girl ran into him, and hugged him.

“Daddy!”


	6. Fix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn’t planning to post the update today, but Jiwon’s just haunting me 😂

**5**

**Fix**

“Selene.. you know,” Jiwon said, and took a deep sigh before continuing, “she’s not mine.”

We sat in front of their porch for thirty minutes, with just beer in our hands, and complete silence.

Selene left with Margot earlier, and we just sat right after they left.

“Huh?” I looked at him, “what do you mean?”

“She’s my brother’s daughter.”

“But.. why—” He cut me off.

“My brother, and my sister-in-law passed in an accident four year ago, back when Selene’s still a baby.” He sighed, and smiled at me sadly.

“I’m so sorry.” I really am, “I applaud you for taking care of your niece, but it’s not your fault.. you know?”

“I wish it wasn’t.” He took a sip of his beer and continued, “but it is.”

“It was a rainy day. We were on our way home from Auckland..”

“Jiwon, it’s okay. It’s been tough.”

“I was drunk, and we had no choice but for me to drive, since my brother’s scared to drive.”

I’ve seen people break their own hearts in front of me, but the pain that Jiwon’s carrying is too much.

It’s something that even time cannot erase.

It’s something that time cannot heal.

“Selene’s sitting in her mother’s lap, while my brother’s sitting in the shotgun seat.”

I can see, and feel him breaking, and for him to let everything out in front of a stranger is beyond me.

“I wish I listened to my brother when he told me to just stay in the hotel, and just leave the next day, but I was so stubborn.”

“The next thing I know, I felt a hard impact, and heard a loud crash. If it wasn’t for the airbag, I would’ve died, too.”

“I woke up in the hospital the following morning, and that’s where I learned that it’s only me and Selene who survived the accident.” His tear fell, but he just laughed, as he wiped it.

“They said they found my brother meters away from the car, and my sister-in-law’s hugging Selene. Both of them died on the spot, Hanbin.”

“So, tell me, how can I not take care of Selene, when all along, it was my fault. I was, and am the reason why her parents died.”

“Is this the reason why you’re so obsessed in fixing things?” He smiled, and looked at me before answering my question.

“Weird, but by fixing things, it makes me feel.. less broken.”

“But isn’t it ironic? You love to fix things, and yet you, yourself is severely broken.”

“I am not as broken as you think, Hanbin.” He sipped his beer again. I did, too.

“You are.”

“You know, sometimes, it feels like the world is spinning so fast, and I have to cope up.” He stood, and faced me.

“When they died, the world did not give me time to mourn. I was forced to move on, and suck it up. That’s why time was not able to heal the wounds. And it sucks.”

“How about you? Would you like to tell me why on earth did you end up as an architect?” He asked, trying to divert the topic, and I completely understand him.

“Well, to be an interior designer is one of my dreams as a kid, but as you may know, if you grew up in an Asian household..” He laughed, and cut me off.

“You have to do whatever they want you to do.” Then he smiled, and I smiled back.

“Yeah. That’s the only reason why I became an architect. But.. I already gave them seven years of my life, and it’s high time to follow and do what I really want.” He nodded, and sat beside me again.

We both fell silent again. It took minutes before I spoke.

“Jiwon.. you want to take a break tomorrow?”

“I thought you’re in a cramped time?”

“You should rest. And think.”

“Think of what?”

“You’ve been suffering for four years, Jiwon. I know, it’s not easy, and it will never be. You’re trying your best to be a dad to Selene. Maybe..”

“Maybe?”

“It’s time to forgive yourself. It’s time to fix yourself.”

“Are you going to help me? The way that I’m helping you fix your house?”

“Are you serious?” He just looked at me, as I laughed.

“Jiwon, in life, you should know that people will come, and people will go no matter how much they want to stay.”

“Will you stay?”

“You know you have to do it alone. You don't need anyone.” He just stared, as if he can't understand whatever I'm telling him.

“You have to fix yourself. Because in the end, no one’s going to do it for you.”

“Right. In the end, just like the others, you will leave. Right.”

He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

And it’s true, though.

I don’t want to give him false hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all saw it?
> 
> Surprise? 😬
> 
> After thinking about it for hours, because I have to know if I’ll have enuf time to write, as early as now, I’m letting y’all know that there’ll be a sequel to this story.
> 
> TAFL will be prioritized first before the sequel.
> 
> Pretty much, I’ll prioritize those stories that I’ve already posted before posting the sequel.
> 
> If this is just a two-book series, or a trilogy, I don’t know yet.
> 
> It’ll all depend upon the flow of the story. 
> 
> That’s all. 
> 
> Next update will prolly be on Sunday or on Monday.
> 
> Love lots. xx


	7. Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lame. Hehe

**6**

**Moonlight**

I ended up sleeping at Junhoe and Jinhwan’s place.

After seeing Jiwon, and having that talk with him yesterday.. I just felt the need to give him enough space.

“Good morning, Hanbin.” Junhoe greeted me.

“Good morning! Off to work?” I looked at them.

“Yes.” Jinhwan nodded, “are you going to see the house today?”

“Maybe this afternoon. I’ll have to go to the market to see some stuff.”

“Alright.” Jinhwan said, “talk to Jiwon. He needs you right now.” He smiled, and they both left.

I decided to stay for a little while, when I heard someone knock.

“Good morning!” He greeted me with those warm, small eyes.

“Hey.”

“Are you free today?”

“Well, yeah. Since I told you to take a break today, no work for now.” He nodded, and was hesitating to say something, so I looked at him as if I’m urging him to talk.

“Let’s hike?” He said, as he scratched the back of his head.

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. C’mon.” He said, as he held my hand, and pulled me outside.

He pulled me until we have reached his car.

“How did you know that I stayed here by the way?”

“I saw Junhoe outside and he told me that you slept in their house last night.” I nodded.

“How are you?” I asked him, as he opened the engine of his car.

“A lot better.” He smiled, and it was the first time I saw him smile genuinely.

I wish he can smile a lot more like this.

He looked so calm, and at peace.

“Where are you taking me, anyway?”

“To that place where I usually go to whenever I feel burdened.”

“Are you burdened? I thought you feel a lot better?”

He did not respond.

We fell silent, and I used that to enjoy the scenery.

I’ve never been to a place as calm, and as peaceful as this, and it’s making my heart full.

Well, we also have something like this in Korea, but something’s with this place that’s making me feel contented.

A few more minutes, Jiwon stopped the engine, and opened the door.

When I looked outside, I saw a mountain and the sea.

“Do you usually bring someone with you here?”

Jiwon laughed before he responded.

Why on earth is he laughing? I’m just curious.

“As cheesy as it may sound, but no. You’re the first.” Aww. I smiled at that.

“Why me?”

“I mean, you can bring anyone you know, why me?”

“You’ll be here for only a couple of months, so why not?” He just shrugged his shoulders, and went ahead.

Back in Korea, I also used to climb mountains I can have some peace of mind.

Climbing mountains is just like life itself.

At first, we thought it’s easy, but as soon as the trails get harder, we sometimes want to just give up, and leave, but at some point, you will find a reason to go on, and the moment you’ve reached the peak, it gives stillness.

That’s why I loved hiking. And it’s funny that Jiwon loves hiking as well.

We decided to rest for a moment, and we sat, facing the sea.

Jiwon’s not saying anything, so I looked at him, only to see him looking at me.

I raised my eyebrows.

“Hanbin, tell me.. why are you here?”

“Uhm, because you asked me to?” I’m lost. Didn’t he tell me to come with him?

Jiwon laughed so loud.

“Silly. Not here here, but here, in New Zealand?”

I took a deep breath.

Ever since I arrived, no one asked me the same question.

So, I asked myself, why am I here?

I know, I told Yunhyeong that I wanted to leave Korea to find myself, but so far, have I?

“I have everything in life, Jiwon. A stable life, supportive friends and family.. what more can I ask for, right?” I smiled bitterly.

Everyone has told me those the moment I told them I want to leave Korea. _I have everything in life._

“People would always tell me that. But they’re all wrong. I don’t have everything in life, Jiwon. I don’t have peace of mind. I’m a chaos waiting to be unfold.” I stopped, and looked at the view in front of us.

“Remember what you once told me? People don’t see what’s inside, because what’s important for them are the things that they can see on the outside.”

“I hope you’ll find that peace here, Hanbin.” I hope so, too.

We both fell silent again, when I saw Jiwon handed me a bottle of beer.

“Where did you get that?” I laughed at him, while he opened the bottle.

“I packed some stuff before we left.” He showed me his bag full of chips, and beer.

We both laughed and clinked our bottles.

“Thank you.” He said, as he stared at me.

“Huh?”

“For listening to me last night. For coming with me today. Thank you.”

“No. Thank you.” I said, emphasizing you.

“I’m so amazed to see you come this far, Jiwon. You are one brave soul, do you know that?”

“I know.” He smirked, and I snorted.

“I shouldn’t have told you that, it’s just an ego boost.” He playfully smacked my shoulder.

He just smirked at me again, and went back to stare at the sea.

“You know, Jinhwan would always tell me that these past few days, I glow differently.” He said, as we both stared at the stars.

We’ve been here for I don’t know how long, but it kinda felt that time froze.

They said, time flies when someone’s happy, right?

“Well, yeah. You have this glowing feel these past few days.”

“Do you know that they were teasing us?”

“They?”

“Junhoe, Jinhwan and Donghyuk.”

“Oh.” I said, as I took a sip of the beer.

“I never liked someone, like really like.” He said out of nowhere.

His eyes are closed tightly, and I saw his adam’s apple move.

“Do I look like I care?” I said jokingly to ease the atmosphere.

“I’m serious!” He laughed, and opened his eyes to look at me.

“Okay.” I laughed, too, and looked at the stars when I saw a shooting star.

“Make a wish!” I exclaimed, as I closed my eyes, and silently prayed.

_I wish that Jiwon will be happy, not only now, but forever._

I opened my eyes only to see Jiwon’s face a few inches away from mine.

“What’s your wish?” He said, huskily.

“Nah. They said that the wish won’t come true if I’ll say it out loud.”

“Can you make mine come true?” I nodded.

“I wish to kiss you.”

Wish granted.

Because under the stars, the meteor shower, and the moonlight, Jiwon kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Urban Zakapa. :((((


	8. Lonely

**7**

**Lonely**

“I really like how you transformed this garden. It brought life to the house.” I was looking at the painters as they repaint the exterior of the house when I heard a voice behind my back.

“Thanks” I smiled at Margot, “how are you?”

“Good.” She smiled back, and stared at the house, too.

“Can we talk?” I nodded.

We both decided to talk at the café.

Junhoe and Jinhwan saw us, and was about to greet me, when they saw that I’m with Margot.

We sat at the far back, and I glanced at my watch.

“I’m sorry, I can’t stay for long. I have to go back before lunch.” She agreed and cleared her throat.

“Jiwon..” she hesitated at first, but chose to continue, “he talked to me last night.”

She laughed, and paused.

“No, more like.. he begged me. It was the first time I saw him begging, you know?”

I did not respond and chose to just listen to what she’s telling me.

“I think, you already know what happened. You have an idea, or Jiwon already told you about Selene, and what happened..”

“Yes, he once told me about it.”

“He felt like he was the reason why my sister and her husband died, and no one’s blaming him, really, because it was an accident.”

“But Jiwon’s still blaming himself, right?”

“Yeah.” She smiled sadly, and stared right at me, “he asked me last night to let go of him.”

“He loves Selene like she’s his own, he promised to still take care of her, but he asked – begged me to let go of him.”

I took a deep breath, and was about to say something when she stopped me.

“I’ll be straightforward with you” She said, “we still need Jiwon. We need him.”

 _I need him, too._ I wanted to say, but chose not to.

I understand Margot, and her inability to let go of Jiwon..

Because although they’re not blaming him for the death of his brother and his sister-in-law, they’re making him feel responsible for it.

And that’s what keeping Jiwon from moving on.

“You see, I know that after the renovation, you’ll leave for Korea again, and move on, but we.. Selene and I, we can’t move on without Jiwon.”

“It isn’t too much, but if he’ll ask you to be with him.. can you..” she took a breath, “can you reject him?”

 _You have everything in life, Hanbin. Sure, you don’t need Jiwon._ I had to remind myself.

And it sucks to know that everyone’s constantly reminding me that I’m leaving.

That after five months, I’m leaving New Zealand for good.

Because the more that I think that I’m leaving, all the more that I want to stay.

But we can’t really have everything we want, yes?

I just nodded at her, and she smiled faintly, before she stood up, and left the coffee shop.

“What was that about?” Junhoe asked.

“Nothing,” I smiled, and stood up, “Sorry, as much as I want to chat with you guys, I have to leave.”

I said, and left the shop.

I reached home after lunch and saw the builders with Jiwon discussing something else outside.

One of them pointed me, and Jiwon went to look my way, and smiled warmly at me.

“Hey, sorry if I was late. I got side-tracked.” I smiled back, and faced him.

“It’s okay, no worries.”

We went inside, and checked the status of the rooms, and the floors.

“That pest controller really did a good job, huh?” He said, as he checked if there are any termites left.

“Yeah.”

“What’s your plan with this room, by the way?”

“I want it to be as simple as this. No television set, because the view outside the balcony’s a steal.”

He sat at the bed, and looked at the view outside, where he saw a glimpse of the mountain, and the forest outside.

“Well, that’s indeed breath taking.” He looked at me, and smiled.

“I’m planning to change the mattress, though, and add some furnitures.”

“When are you going to purchase?”

“I did some purchasing last night, and I’ll check Donghyuk’s store by tomorrow.”

He nodded and tapped the space beside him.

I sat at the space, and Jiwon moved closer, leaning his head on my shoulder.

“Jiwon..” I said, and glanced at him, only to see him, closing his eyes.

“We’re far from over in renovating this house.” He whispered, and sat back straight.

“Aren’t we behind your schedule?”

There. Someone reminded me again.

“Well, not really.” He nodded, and stood up, and told me that he’ll check the work of the builders outside.

I did not originally plan it, but I asked them to add a mini pool, and an outside bar, and we’ll be adding some solar panels, as well.

When I went out, I saw the pool builders leaving some marks, and measuring the size of the pool.

The carpenters are also building some furnitures from scratch, because ordering those will take so much of our time before it arrives.

It’s almost dinner time when we all decided to end our day, and just continue the day after.

Jiwon’s still inside, trying to fix the fire box, when I sat in front of the porch and stared at the garden.

 _It’s slowly coming to life._ I smiled, contented.

I felt someone sat beside me and saw Jiwon handing me a bottle of a beer.

“How’s your day?” He asked.

“Productive. You?”

“I went out with Selene earlier, brought her to the town to buy something for her.”

I nodded, and suddenly remembered what Margot told me this morning.

“Maybe you can come with us before you leave.”

“I’ll try.”

Silence.

I’ve known Jiwon for two weeks, but I know if he wants to say something.

If he’s hesitating.

If he’s thinking about something.

“Hanbin..”

“Hmm?”

“About last night..”

“That’s nothing. Spur of the moment, maybe?”

He shook his head, and stood in front of me.

“C’mon,” he laughed, as if he heard something unbelievable, “we both know it’s not nothing.”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Not for me.”

He stepped closer, and held my hand.

“I’m..” he said, he swallowed hard before continuing, “I’m.. starting to like you.”

I closed my eyes real hard, and saw some hope in his eyes.

“You can’t. We can’t.”

He let go of my hand, still staring at me.

“I’m just a temporary person, Jiwon.”

“Then stay.”

“You know I can’t.”

“You can, you just don’t want to.”

He sighed, and diverted his attention by looking at the stars.

“I can’t stay. And besides.. I can’t be with you.”

“Why not?”

“You’re just lonely, Jiwon. You can’t do that. You can’t like someone just because they showed empathy towards you. Just because they felt bad about your situation.”

He looked down, and laughed dryly.

“So, it was just pity, huh?”

I closed my eyes again, and nodded.

I heard him curse, and was about to say something, but when I opened my eyes, I already saw him walking away from me.

I’m sorry, Jiwon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try to listen to Urban Zakapa's I Don't Love You or I Hate You while reading this chap 😬


	9. Open House

**8**

**Open House**

Two weeks. For two weeks, Jiwon did not show himself to anyone.

And I have to admit, I’m starting to worry.

“Did he visit today?” I asked Donghyuk. I’ve been asking him the same question over, and over again.

He smiled sadly at me, “No, not once in two weeks, Hanbin. But don’t worry, I’ll let you know, okay?”

I nodded, and just smiled at him.

“By the way, the solar panels will arrive by tomorrow.”

“Alright, thanks for letting me know.” I said, and left the shop.

Three weeks had passed, and the exterior, even the interior of the house has improved so much.

The pool’s almost done, and the builders have decided to add a jacuzzi, so they can enjoy the view while relaxing.

The day just passed like that, and the following day, I heard some knocks on my door.

“Hey, good morning!” Donghyuk greeted.

I thought he was there to give me some updates about Jiwon, but when I saw him with some men, I realized that it’s because of the solar panels.

“Do you want those to be installed today?”

“Yes, please.” He nodded, and went near his employees to give them some instructions.

After that, he went near the house again, and stood beside me.

“By the way, Hanbin..”

“Hmm?”

“Jiwon’s back in town. He dropped by my store earlier. He also told me that he’ll visit this house today.”

“Oh..”

“Any way, I have to go.” He tapped my shoulder before he left.

Lunch came, and I heard some voices outside the house.

I went out, only to see Jiwon, and Chanwoo.

“Hey.” I greeted, but Jiwon only nodded and looked at me coldly.

It felt like I’m seeing him for the first time, and I must admit..

It hurts.

“You’re doing great in renovating the house, Hanbin,” Chanwoo said, “who would’ve thought that this house will look as great as this? Right, Jiwon?” He looked at Jiwon, as if he’s trying to validate whatever he just said.

“Yeah” He said, and stared at the pool.

“You decided to put a pool here?” He asked, but he did not bother to look at me.

“Yes. The builders said that it’ll make the house look better, and it’ll add value to the house.”

“And a solar panel.” He ignored what I told him, and continued to look around.

“Yup. This will operate the doors, and most of the appliances.” He just nodded, and stared at me blankly.

“This house’s almost done. I can’t wait for the open house..” he paused shortly, “I bet you can’t wait to leave, too.”

Chanwoo looked at us after hearing what Jiwon said.

It reeked so much of sarcasm.

“Jiwon..” I called, but he just snorted.

“Let’s go, Chanwoo. We shouldn’t spend so much time with a temporary person, you know?”

He turned his back on me, and Chanwoo left him with. But before they left, I heard him asked Jiwon.

“You guys fought?” To which Jiwon only responded with a sigh.

I tried to shake the feeling off, but I can’t help but feel the bitterness.

But a part of me agreed with what Jiwon said, we shouldn’t invest too much time, and feelings for a temporary person.

And we both did.

If only I can tell him how much he means to me, but I know I can’t.

_This is all on you, Kim Hanbin._

The pool builders started working again, and they started adding pool tiles on the floor, and some wooden planks on the side.

I sighed, and felt relieved for a moment.

After staying outside, and checking on their work, I went back inside, and went to check if the solar panels are working.

I felt amazed when it did, and it made me forget whatever happened earlier.

There’s nothing much that I can do with Jiwon, so it’s better to just divert my attention to something else.

“We’ll just have to wait for the tiles to dry up, and by then, we can start filling the pool up with water and chlorine.” The builder told me.

“How long would that take?”

“Around three days to a week.” I nodded, and told them that they can already go home.

I went to eat my dinner and decided to hang out in the porch.

The view outside’s really just amazing. It makes me forget whatever’s bugging me.

It makes me forget every pain that I’m causing everyone around me, including me.

I’ve been sitting and drinking beer for about an hour, when I saw Jiwon walking towards the house.

He sat beside me, and alcohol’s reeking out of his body.

“Sorry for being unprofessional, and leaving you for two weeks.” He said, and tried to stare at me, but since he’s so drunk, he is disoriented.

“It’s okay. I understand.” I nodded, and took a sip of my beer, “Besides, you helped me so much already. I couldn’t ask for more.”

He laughed, and groaned.

“You’ve been treating me like this again, as if you did not go around for the past two weeks about my whereabouts.”

How the hell did he know?!

“Stop pushing me away, and when I’m gone, you’ll pull me back. Stop acting as if you cared about me. Stop pretending as if you truly cared. Stop it, Hanbin. Stop making me fall harder, if you can’t like me back.”

I bowed my head, and looked at my fingers.

He remained silent as well, and cleared his throat.

“Can you do me one favor?”

I nodded, and stared at his face.

“After the open house.. after that..”

He gulped so hard, and closed his eyes tightly.

He sighed deeply.

“Can you leave New Zealand? I don’t want to see you ever.. again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you checked Jiwon’s new soooong?
> 
> I saw some translations online, and there’s this line about meeting that person again in another life.. and I was like dang! That’s the storyline of my other story, 1912. 😂😂😂😂😂😂


	10. Feel

**9**

**Feel**

I tried to convince myself that Jiwon’s just drunk that night.

That he did not mean what he told me.

That he was just drunk, that’s why he said that.

But I failed, because just like what others say, a drunk person would always say the contents of their heart.

And it sucks that he wants me to leave, and to not see me again.

It’s really hard to fit in a world where you don’t belong, huh?

Those thoughts kept me awake last night.

“You look like you did not have enough sleep” He started, before sitting in front of me, “care to tell me what’s bothering you?” Jinhwan said, while looking at me.

I smiled at him, and shook my head.

“Nothing. It’s just..”

“It’s just?”

“I realized that tomorrow’s going to be the first month since I arrived, and in a few months, I’ll be leaving this country.”

“Do you really want to leave the country?”

“It doesn’t matter if I want to or not.. but I have to.” I smiled sadly before I took a sip of my coffee.

“Is everything alright?”

“It will be.” I stood up, and decided to just leave the coffee shop.

I took a deep sigh as I approach the house, and saw Jiwon standing in front of the house.

“Jiwon..” He turned around to look at me, and smiled warmly at me.

“Hey” He greeted, and went back to stare at the house again.

“The house’s almost done. How do you feel about it?”

“Happy, I guess” I shrugged my shoulders, as I walked, and stood beside him.

“Yeah, you should be happy.” Jiwon said, and went inside the house.

I followed him, and saw him removing some stuff from unopened boxes.

“The curtains that you ordered for the master’s bedroom arrived early this morning.” He said, as he showed me that red, thick curtain that I wanted for that room to give some Victorian era vibes.

We both planned to make the rooms traditional, and make the living room modern. At first, Jiwon’s quite hesitant, but slowly, just like a puzzle, things are working out.

The flooring that we also ordered three days ago arrived that day, so Jiwon called Donghyuk to send his workers over, and start working on the tiles.

Donghyuk was busy talking to Jiwon, when he saw me, and he waved at me.

I waved back, and smiled, and saw him slowly approaching me.

“Hanbin, I forgot to tell you earlier, but someone’s looking for you earlier. He went to the shop, and I told him to visit this house.” He scratched his head, “I don’t know where he is right now, though.”

Someone looking for me?

I first thought of Yunhyeong, but that’s impossible.

Well… he kind of giving some hints days ago that he’ll be visiting me in New Zealand, but I don’t think it’s going to be this soon.

One of Donghyuk’s workers approached us.

“Hanbin, someone’s outside.” I looked at him, and nodded, and went out.

I was about to ask who was it, but I was surprised when someone enveloped me in a hug.

“I missed you so, so much, Kim Hanbin!” Yunhyeong said, as I felt his hug went tighter.

I saw Jiwon look at us. He looked shocked as I am at first, but minutes after, his stare got colder.

Like that stare that he’s been giving me for days.

“How are you?” Yunhyeong asked, and held me by my shoulder.

“I told you, I’m fine. No need to fly all the way from Korea to New Zealand just to check on me.” I rolled my eyes, and held his arm.

“You know how freaking worried I am, ever since you left Korea. And on top of that, you’ve been dodging my phone and video calls.”

“I’m totally fine, just got busy because we’re a little behind our schedule.”

“So, you’re still planning on leaving?” I nodded.

“Why?” He queried, as we both walked towards the house. “I mean, I honestly think that New Zealand is for you. It’s quite peaceful, compared to the busy streets of Korea.”

“Well, shit happened.” I laughed, but he just creased his forehead.

I saw Jiwon left the workers, and walked towards our direction.

“Hi” He greeted Yunhyeong, and he smiled at him.

“Yunhyeong, this is Jiwon” I said, and looked at Jiwon, “Jiwon, he’s my friend, Yunhyeong.”

“Friend, huh?”

Yunhyeong looked at me right after hearing what Jiwon said.

“Yup. We’ve been friends for ten years.” He said, as stretched his hand for a hand shake, to which Jiwon just ignored. Damn it.

I laughed nervously before I spoke.

“I’ll just tour him around.” Jiwon nodded, so we left him, and went inside.

I also introduced him to Donghyuk, and he instantly recognized him.

We went to one of the rooms to show it to Yunhyeong, and Donghyuk left us after.

“So.. What was that?” He started.

“Huh?”

“Don’t play dumb on me, Hanbin.” He laughed, “Jiwon, is it?”

“He’s just a friend.”

“I don’t think so.” He laughed again, so I stared at him, and saw him smiling teasingly.

“Is he the reason why you can’t call me everyday?”

“What? No!”

He poked my head. “Defensive.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, right.”

Silenced enveloped us, and I took a deep sigh before I spoke.

“I’m starting to feel something, but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because that guy has a responsibility. And someone felt like I’m kind of stopping him from fulfilling that responsibility. So, I have to leave. Once this house’s done, I’ll leave for Korea.”

“Do you still remember why you left? Remember that thing you told me before you left?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened to that “finding yourself”?”

“I thought I’ll fit in, because to tell you honestly, I love to stay. I would like to stay.”

“But you’ll leave because of him? You’ll let yourself to live miserably because of that responsibility?”

“You don’t understand, hyung.”

“I may not understand what’s happening, but I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be, Hanbin.”

“I will be happy.” I said, smiling at him, but it sounded like I’m convincing myself.

“It is truly a blessing and a curse to feel something, to feel something so deep, but give yourself a chance to be happy. It’s long overdue.” He said, as he tapped my shoulder, and left me inside the room.


	11. Love

**10**

**Love**

“So, Hanbin, what’s your plan for today?” Yunhyeong asked me, as we sat in the hammock that we built yesterday.

“Nothing, hyung. It’s Chanwoo’s birthday today, so we’ll have a party.” I looked at him, as he took a sip of his coffee. “Want to join us?”

“Are you sure?” He laughed, and looked at me as well. “I mean, is it okay with the rest of the guys?”

I sure know what he meant when he said that.

Yunhyeong arrived three days ago, and in those three days, not once did he talk to me, or to Yunhyeong.

Well.. not that I’m expecting him to speak to Yunhyeong, but yeah, he did not even glance at me the entire time that he’s here.

He would only talk to me whenever he felt that he had to.

I did try to ignore whatever he was doing, because first of all, I should not care, right?

“You’re spacing out.” Yunhyeong laughed, and stared at the pool.

“Sorry.” I scratched the back of my head, and looked at him again.

“It must be okay with the rest of the guys, I guess” I shrugged my shoulders, “besides, this is my house.”

“Won’t he get mad at you?” He asked teasingly. I playfully punched him in the arm, and we both laughed when we both heard a cough from someone.

“I hope I’m not disturbing the two of you.” Jinhwan said, and he looked at someone who’s walking behind him, “I mean, us.”

I saw Jiwon, and Junhoe walked behind him, and both stared at the two of us.

Junhoe waved at us, while Jiwon just stared, and walked past Jinhwan.

“Good morning to you, too, Jinhwan.” I responded, and stood up to greet them.

“You guys are early, huh?”

“Yeah. These two wants to swim.” He looked at the both of them, and Junhoe was about to say something when Jiwon elbowed him playfully.

“Huh?” I looked at the three of them, “I thought Junhoe can’t swim?”

“Well.. Jiwon will teach him how to.” I nodded, and looked at Yunhyeong, who’s now looking at us amusingly.

“By the way, I invited this guy to join us later.” Jinhwan nodded, and joined Junhoe and Jiwon who went inside the house.

“This is going to be fun, don’t you think, Hanbin?” Yunhyeong laughed, and went inside, too.

Jiwon and Junhoe changed their clothes, and began to swim.

Hours after, Donghyuk and Chanwoo arrived.

“Happy birthday, Chanwoo!” I hugged him, as I greeted him and Donghyuk.

“Thanks, Hanbin.” He smiled, and showed me something, “I brought meat for our barbeque party!” He said excitedly.

I also introduced him to Yunhyeong, when I heard someone shrieked.

“It got into my eyes!” Junhoe shrieked, as he laughed.

“Serves you right!” Jiwon said, as laughed, but the moment his eyes landed on me, he rolled it, and his smile faded. The hell.

What did I do?!

“It sucks, isn’t it?” Yunhyeong said, as he approached me.

“What sucks?”

“That. Seeing him happy with someone else.”

“If he wants to be happy with someone else, then let him be.”

“Deny, Hanbin. Go on, and deny.” He laughed as if he was possessed with some spirit.

I shook my head, and went inside the house to prepare the table and the utensils.

Couple of minutes later, the guys joined me in the table, and we started to feast on the meat that Chanwoo cooked.

We were in the middle of eating, and drinking, when Junhoe suddenly asked.

“So, Yunhyeong, how did you, and Hanbin meet?” Jinhwan eyed him, but he just shrugged.

“What? I’m just curious!” He exclaimed.

“How shall I say this..” Yunhyeong looked at me, “let’s just say that we were soulmates.”

“Hanbin and I lived together for 10 years, so I know if he’s sad, he’s happy, he’s in love, or if he’s miserable.”

“We lived together until I got married.” They looked at him surprisingly, even Jiwon.

“You’re married?” Jinhwan said.

“Yes.” He laughed, as he showed is wedding ring.

“To whom?”

“To Hanbin’s senior.”

“And Hanbin? Is he your other guy?”

We almost burst into laughter, if only Jinhwan did not ask that on a serious manner.

“What the heck?!” I said, as Yunhyeong laughed out loud.

“He’s just my brother. Nothing else.”

“See? I told you!” Junhoe said it as a whisper, but his voice is too loud for everyone to hear.

His face turned into red, and laughed awkwardly. Jiwon shook his head, as he took a sip of his beer, and stood up.

“I’ll just swim again.” He removed the towel that’s draped in his shoulders, and left us.

After a couple of minutes, and a couple of glasses of beer, and some courage, I told them that I’ll go for a swim, to which they all agreed.

I saw Jiwon standing on the other side of the pool, so I swam towards his direction.

He was into some deep thoughts, that he looked so surprised when he saw me.

“What are you doing here?”

“What?” I giggled, heck, I’m tipsy. “Am I not allowed to swim in my own swimming pool?”

“That’s not what I mean.”

I sighed, and stared at the sky that’s full of stars. I always feel so comfortable whenever the sky’s crowded with stars. I feel like someone out there’s with me.

“Right.” He did not respond.

I felt uncomfortable with the silence that he’s giving me, so I looked at him, only to see him staring at me.

“The stars look so magical, no?” I said just to break that awkward atmosphere.

“Yeah” he huskily said, as I felt him move near me.

“Hanbin..” I felt his breath near my ear.

“Hmm?” I don’t have the courage to face him, because if I will, our lips will touch.

“Isn’t it amazing how one can feel love and pain all at the same time?”

“Huh?”

“I love you, and yet my heart hurts whenever I see you. Whenever you’re near. Whenever I see you laughing, smiling and hugging someone.. that’s not me.”

I did not respond, and allowed him to speak his mind.

“Seeing you is hard for me, do you know that?” He moved a little closer, that I did not notice that he is now caging me from behind.

“Then you should stop seeing me, I guess.”

“You’re heartless.”

“I’m not.”

“Damn it, you are.”

He held my shoulders so he can turn me to face him.

“It’s hard to see someone you want so bad, yet you can’t have.”

He took one more step, which totally closed the space between us.

“Two more weeks before the open house. Two more weeks.”

He started planting some kisses on my neck, up to my jaw, then to my cheek.

“Jiwon, you’re just drunk.” I tried to push him away, but he did not budge.

“Two more weeks. Can you at least pretend that you love me, too?”

I do, Jiwon. I do.

“Damn, I sound so desperate, but if that’s the last thing I have to do to have you.. then..” He stared at me, with hope evident in his eyes.

 _It is truly a blessing and a curse to feel something, to feel something so deep, but give yourself a chance to be happy. It’s long overdue._ Hanbin, it’s long overdue.

I nodded, as I felt his lips crashed into mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being MIA for two weeks. :((((
> 
> Btw, I just want to let y'all know that I've been reading your comments, and it's making my heart full.
> 
> For some reason, AO3 stopped sending notifs, but yeah. Those comments mean a lot to me.
> 
> <3


	12. Selene

**11**

**Selene**

_Cherophobia._ The fear of being happy.

It has been days since Jiwon and I talked, and I must say, he did make me feel special.

He made me feel loved, like no one else did.

I’ve always had this fear that because I’ve been too happy, one day, some day, somehow, fate will play its game again on me.

I sighed, and tried to shake the anxiety that’s slowly building in my heart.

It’s slowly building, and it’s starting to eat me alive.

Open house is scheduled this week, and like what I told Yunhyeong, depending on how things will go, I might stay after the open house.

I’m sitting in the hammock that we set up in front of the pool when I heard someone coughed.

”Hey.” Margot smiled sadly at me, as she approached me.

”How are you?” I smiled, and stood up to welcome her.

”I’m good.” She’s not.

Her eyes are a giveaway that she came here not to just check on me, but to talk to me about something important.

I guided her so we can have a proper sit. I tapped the seat beside me, and so she sat.

“It’s about Jiwon, isn’t it?”

”Actually..”

I truly wonder why people can’t just be straightforward about how they feel.

Say No when you can’t, instead of making up excuses.

Tell me if you’re sad, instead of saying you’re okay, and give me a sad smile.

”It’s about Selene.”

”How’s she?”

”She’s not doing well.” I looked at her, and she looked tired.

”Hanbin..” she called, “don’t take this the wrong way.” I nodded, and after a couple of minutes of silence, she proceeded.

”I’m Jiwon’s friend. And who am I to stop him from loving you? Right?” She sighed.

”I’m good, that he’s with a good person like you. I’m good as long as it won’t affect anyone else, as long as it won’t affect Selene.”

”Jiwon..” she sighed again, and tears started to form in her eyes, “he stopped visiting Selene.”

I looked at her, shock is evident in my face.

”Since when?”

”He did not tell you?” I shook my head to show that I don’t have an idea. At all.

”Two weeks ago, he went to play with her, and that’s the last that we saw him.”

”I went here in hopes that you can convince him to see Selene again. She misses her uncle. A lot.”

”Have you tried to call him? Or check with Donghyuk?”

”I did. He’s dodging all of my calls. Donghyuk would always tell me that he’s not in the shop.” She bursted into tears.

”I don’t know anymore.” I stood up to hug her, and she, in return, hugged me back.

”I’m so sorry to bother you about this, but Hanbin, please, my niece needs Jiwon.”

I sighed, and comforted her until she stopped from crying.

Once she’s all composed, she apologized, and left.

I’ve been in deep thoughts when someone hugged me from my back.

”Hey. What’s wrong?” Jiwon huskily asked.

I turned to look at him.

”Where have you been?”

”At home. Why?”

”You stopped visiting Selene?”

”Margot went here?”

”She did.”

”Don’t worry about it, I’ll talk to her.” He tried to smile, and hold my hand, but I avoided him.

”Jiwon..” he looked at me, “you can’t just forget Selene just because you’re with me.”

”I’m tired, Hanbin.”

”What about your promise?”

”I did my part. I tried to be responsible for what I did, but do you think I’m still happy?”

”Jiwon!” Tears welled up, “you can’t leave Selene just like that! She’s your niece for Pete’s sake!”

”Do you think I wanted to abandon her just like that?”

I know Jiwon. I know how much he love Selene. I know him too much.

”Don’t abandon her. Just.. don’t.”

”I had to choose, Hanbin. Can’t I choose myself for once?”

”So, you chose to leave her?”

”I chose to be happy.”

”Can’t you be happy and see Selene once in a while?”

”I don’t know where this conversation is going, but it’s already breaking me.” He said, his head low, and his voice sounded so sad.

”Jiwon..”

”Stop making me choose, when it’s clear that I chose you.”

I sighed.

I’ll be okay.

I’m going to be okay.

”How can you choose me, when whatever ‘s between us is not real?”

He looked at me, disbelief is written on his face.

I’m okay.

I’ll be okay.

”Let’s just stop this, okay?” I smiled. “Selene is a precious girl. He’s your niece, and you made a promise to take good care of her. Don’t break that promise just because you found me. Just because you have me.”

I’ll be okay.

He was rendered speechless, as he shook his head once more, and left me alone.

_Cherophobia. The fear of being happy._

I know that fate will somehow get me, but I didn’t want it to be like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How’s everyone? I hope you’re all okay. Stay at home, okay? We’ll all get through this.


End file.
